Ponderings
by RT4ever
Summary: Follow up birthday piece to When Gray Was Yellow. ML
1. Chapter 1

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**Scrapping my original five paragraph AN for this.**

** Summed up: Don't like this. Stopped writing after reading Shy's (which is awesome so go read if you haven't), I was already late anyway and he had a happy bday, didn't need my help. :-P **

**But Falling In is only ¾ of the way done and E&O (umm yea…), so figured I should post this for the start of Mari's advent Calendar, which I think we forgot to finish discussing, but I think this was on the list of things. **

**Thanks for reading (don't expect much). :-P**

**Actual details about story:**  
This is a follow-up to "When Gray was Yellow" (so yes if you haven't you should probably read that first). Several people wanted a follow-up so I figured this event would work for that (you may eventually get others because I have a partial start to a challenge of Shy's for this story and a true follow up, as in a couple years down the line).

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****Ponderings****  
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**Fogle**** Towers****, _November 11, 2022:_**

She watched him sleep.

It was the kind of thing that would make her blush from head to toe if anyone ever found out and the kind of thing she generally denied, even to Logan when he'd wake up, catching her off guard. Yet it was something she tended to do on a regular basis.

Her good luck…

His beauty…

Sheer amazement of how much they'd survived…

A girl had to take stock of that on occasion and what else to do at four am while the rest of the world was sleeping?

At the moment she had one major thought running through her mind and that was just how damn attractive her man was at 34.

He in no way shape or form conformed to what she generally expected from a 34 year old.

And he, just like the collection of wine he was once more building up, just got better with age.

Hotter at 34 than he had been at 31.

It was truly a feat, then again that seemed to be commonplace with Logan.

"You're watching me," he mumbled with eyes remaining shut.

Her head cocked as she continued to look down at him, "You're really hot for such an old guy."

His eyes opened and looked up with the minor irritation that accompanied birthdays, "You know some people actually just say happy birthday and what time is it?"

"Little before four," she said never taking her eyes from him, still trying to pull off the perplexed look.

"Why am I awake?" he asked just looking at her. "And 34 isn't that old."

"I think it's the new environment, you've been a lot more restless once I get up. And says you," she smirked.

"I lived here for 3 years," he said half sighing, half groaning as he pushed himself up realizing that even if he could go back to sleep it was doubtful Max wanted him to. He could always grab a few more hours once she went to work provided nothing urgent came up.

"I think it's more the year and a half you were away cause you normally sleep through me getting up just fine."

"Don't try to deny that you've been using the force to wake me up, think I didn't figure out what that gaze was? You lonely and wanting company. You've just finally mastered it after a year."

"Eh you can sleep when I'm at work," she joked.

"Yea we'll just ignore the fact that I've been trying to figure out how the blood bank has been turning up low."

"You know that would be a lot more interesting if it hadn't already happened twice since I've known you."

"Eh," he shrugged, "the majority of criminals tend not to be that creative, you've met our mayor."

She laughed.

"So what else is running through your head at 4am aside from my geriatric state?"

"Pretty much stuck on how downright delectable you are."

"Hmm sounding like food, always a good sign in your book," he teased still not quite awake though.

"It is, better than the chocolate you promised me days ago and have yet to deliver upon."

"I got you Twinkies and that bucket of Swedish fish."

"Both of which are nearly finished," she pointed out.

"How did you manage that by the way?"

"OC and Alec contributed," she shrugged and tried to look innocent. Truthfully, she had no idea.

He laughed.

"Weren't we talking about other yummy things?" she asked slowly moving to straddle him.

With hands on both of her legs he looked at her with a smile, "See now this is the proper wakeup for a birthday."

"Hey it's only my second, it's that whole learning curve. Lucky for you, I tend to be a quick study."

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"Why are we awake again?" he asked knowing that it was still dark out.

"Why do you always fall asleep after sex is the better question," she asked detangling from his limbs where she'd been residing, trying to doze off again so she wouldn't bother him.

He sighed, resigned to his sleepless fate, "There's a whole science behind it would you like me to explain?" _Again. _

A peeved frown from her, "You're cranky."

"I'm not cranky, it's just not even 6 yet," he said seeing the clock just over her shoulder, "my birthday and I've barely slept."

"I thought you didn't want sleep on your birthday?" she asked with a know it all look.

"Okay let me elaborate, sex and the appropriate amount of time afterwards to recover from it."

"You know this whole theory of yours is shot to shit considering you don't pass out when we're doing it on the dining room table or the computer chair, the sofa, the floor…bathtub you do tend to look a little drowsy, but I'm thinking that was probably the heat."

_God she was lucky he loved her so much, _he sighed, "Pretty sure it has to do with the fact that this is the time my body is used to sleep, it should be sleeping to recover from the previous day and in preparation for the next."

"Fine so are you going back to sleep or what?"

He wondered how odd it was he was actually managing to have a mini argument with a naked Max, who only managed to have a sheet draped around her lower half. _Definitely a sign he needed rest. _He sighed, _no one should have to sigh this much on their birthday, especially at 5:49 am. _"What do you want for breakfast?"

She smiled, "I should say stay in bed, I've got it, but I don't trust you not to fall back asleep."

He chuckled.

"I'm kinda thinking apple pancakes with the really good butter since I've got plenty of time before I need to be at work."

He let out a staggered groan.

"Could do crepes instead?"

"Isn't today supposed to be my birthday?"

"Yes," she smiled as she popped over to kiss him, "but you love me every day and you were the idiot, who introduced me to the highly addictive butter and you were the guy who bought two massive bags of apples."

"They were really good apples," he muttered.

"And now we're eating them, so I suggest you get over it. So pancakes or crepes?" she asked popping out and heading towards the bathroom.

"Pancakes will keep in the freezer," he followed with a yawn.

"Always trying to figure out how to sleep in those extra ten minutes aren't you?" she smiled.

He glared.

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She popped into the kitchen without ever going back into the bedroom, eager to start their meal and have everything awaiting Logan's arrival.

Flour and sugar pulled out and put on the island. Into the cabinet for powered sugar, brown sugar, salt, baking soda. Over to the spice rack for cinnamon. All dropped down on the island as she marveled over Logan's near instant restocking of the kitchen since they'd barely had anything left at Sandeman's to take with them. She smiled finding a lemon tucked into the crisper along with the apples, he was truly amazing at predicting what she'd want to eat, dropped those off before making a return trip for the butter, eggs and milk.

_Hmm butter, _she nearly drooled, _how did butter, sugar and cinnamon combine for such a perfect taste? _

She smiled to herself knowing Logan would get over his mood once he actually started moving. Logan Cale had absolutely no belief in the early bird getting the worm aside from Saturday's when they'd hit up the farmer's market. He'd stumble out of bed to have breakfast with her before work and then she was pretty sure he just sat in a stupor in front of his computer for at least the next half hour half-heartedly reading emails.

Apples washed, she started to peel and returned to thinking once more about Logan's birthday. 34. Decently big number considering she'd been amazed personally about making it to twenty. There were some days with Logan she'd been amazed he'd made it to the next.

34.

Their friends were coming over and Logan was decidedly unenthusiastic about it. They'd been back in the penthouse for a week and according to their friends they needed a housewarming/birthday party, she knew them though, they just wanted a nice place to get wasted.

34.

She should probably do something nicer for 35.

Varying thoughts started running through her head before she frowned. 35. Next year there was a pretty good chance it would no longer be just the two of them.

_How had a discussion about their future led to the future being attempted so quickly? _

She swallowed hard and tried to picture it.

A baby.

A kid.

Feedings and diaper changes every two hours.

No more bumming at the bar all night long.

_Hmm, even no more getting wasted at the house. _She frowned.

A kid, that was like two years no booze. That didn't exactly seem fun.

No booze, no all day spent in bed…

Only a few years left of in the kitchen.

She wasn't sure she was ready to give up nooners.

_What had she been thinking? _

She had just wanted to dive into normalcy.

What's more normal that a kid with your boyfriend?

A boyfriend who demanded to be a husband before there was a kid.

_It_ _didn't really make sense to wait. _

After all, every time they procrastinated about something everything seemed to go wrong.

Not to mention who knew what was going to happen tomorrow. After all the deaths and near deaths they'd gone through in the past three years…

_No, no a baby was a good plan. _

A little Logan.

She smiled thinking of a pair of soft green eyes looking up at her.

Her and Logan…

That might be kinda nice.

Then again it would never be just her and Logan again.

She was frowning as he walked in. A peeled apple in hand, completely forgotten.

"What's wrong?"

She turned trying to play it off, but then her face fell as she realized he was wearing the exo.

He looked down and patted his hands against his sides before he looked up apologetically. "I just wasn't too sure I wouldn't go into the stove and I…" he shook his head.

Her eyes shut briefly, _he didn't want to use the chair before he absolutely had to. _They opened again and she looked at him softly, "It's just because you're tired."

He smiled rather unsuccessfully, "I'm sure that's it," he started walking over to her, "I stood up fine, I just wasn't sure how long I was going to remain standing." He pecked her lips as he completed his sentence.

"You should have taken a shower, I could have-" Now he'd have to take it off and put it on again once she left.

He cut her off with another kiss, "Its fine." _The last thing he'd allow was anything with his legs to change their normal life. _"Now what has you so _confused_?" His bad mood instantly forgotten upon seeing the change in hers.

Her mouth opened to deny it, but then stopped. Her head tilted as she looked at him, "This time next year we'll probably have a kid."

"And that's not a good thing?" he asked leaning against the island. Four days ago that had been the cause of many smiles, laughter and wistful expressions.

"I don't know it's just kinda quick."

"So we'll wait," he shrugged and moved to pull out a bowl.

"Lo-" she stopped and looked at him. He was already looking uncomfortable.

"Suddenly remembering the mechanics behind me wearing this thing?"

She sighed, she didn't want to deal with this Logan, not on today of all days.

"I can go see a doctor Max, it's no big deal, see what our options are, I would have had to do it anyway, more than one remember?"

She didn't want that. She didn't want any science or technology involved in this.

"I'm just scared Logan," she said as he focused on his task at hand of eyeballing the proper amounts of ingredients into the bowl.

He turned.

"Excited one minute and scared the next," she shrugged again, "actually I kinda forgot to be scared for the last week and it just hit me. It's a lot you know. The apartment, a kid, marriage all in a weekend."

He put down the salt and walked over her, placing a hand upon her side and smiling gently, "All we did was decide to get married, which I really didn't think was so shocking," his lips twitched up, "unless you were planning on making a break for it and last time I checked a kid takes a little bit longer than a weekend."

"Feels like everything changed so quick," she looked up with frightened eyes.

"I know," his hand moved to her cheek. He hadn't been the only one restless in the apartment. Hers had just been showing more during her waking hours, not surprising since they all seemed to be her waking hours. The unease they both felt, as if something was waiting to happen to rip them out of their comfort zone once again.

"I mean I," her head shook.

"It's okay," he reassuringly smiled, "I'll call the doctor this afternoon."

"I don't," her head shook.

"You don't what?" his lips twitched up.

"I don't know if I want to take it back."

He laughed at her and shook his head.

"You and me," she gestured with a finger, "kid, now."

"You know that's not really the type of thing you'll be able to take back if you don't decide now."

She looked up with large eyes and a small shrug, "Could already be too late."

"It could," he nodded. "Would you be okay with that?"

She thought about it for a moment and nodded, "If we wait any longer I'd probably be putting you and the kid to bed at 8."

He laughed and grabbed her waist pulling her into him, "Going to bed at 8 doesn't sound too horrible," he kissed her, "provided I'm not alone."

Two hands on his chest she pushed him away with a laugh, "Weren't you feeding me?"

He sighed as he gave her a long look, "I think maybe we should rethink this, if you're this demanding not pregnant…"

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That Evening:

"You sure you don't want me to do anything to help?" Logan asked walking into the kitchen flinching as he heard his precious pans being clanked together.

"Told you he'd come running," Max smirked to Original Cindy.

He looked towards Original Cindy to explain away his confusion, knowing it was pointless to look at Max.

"Girl bet me twenty you'd come running if you thought we were abusing your kitchen."

"Ah," he nodded. "She was right. So now that I'm not going to leave you two alone, what do you want me to do?"

Max laughed, "Seriously we're fine Logan," she pushed him backwards with two hands on his chest.

"Seriously," he said stepping out of her grasp, "I'm not falling for that."

"What's going on?" Kendra asked walking back into the kitchen from the bathroom.

" Logan apparently doesn't get that he's not supposed to cook his birthday dinner."

" Logan," Kendra's husky voice began, "girl does one nice thing in the kitchen, once a year, trust me you should take advantage of it."

"I do other nice things in the kitchen Max smirked.

The cracker OC had in her hand fell back to the platter as her mouth remained open. She shut it, making a face as she wiped her hands.

Everyone laughed.

"I'm still not leaving," Logan said leaning against the island.

"Why aren't you leaving?" Bling asked walking into the kitchen.

"Max in the kitchen," was all Logan said.

"Ah," Bling nodded.

"What, _ah_?" Max asked with hands on her hips starting to get offended.

"Potatoes in the oven for," he turned to Logan, "what was that, three hours?"

Logan nodded.

"I forgot they were there," she exclaimed.

"That's the point," Logan nodded.

"One little-" she let out a grunt of displeasure and turned to her friends and then back to Logan, "they're in the kitchen with me."

"Didn't Original Cindy set the potholder on fire?"

"Yea kind of a feat considering it was an electric hot plate," Logan nodded recalling an early cooking adventure in Terminal City.

"Why am I being dragged into this?" She looked around confused. "Original Cindy has never made any claims about her skills in the kitchen. I personally vote we let the boy stay and cook. That bottle of wine is calling my name," she nodded at the open bottle she'd barely gotten to touch.

"What the hell," Alec asked walking into the kitchen, "the party move in here?"

"Yea," Bling nodded and moved to sit, "I'd take a seat if I were you, they've turned into an old married couple."

"Haha," Alec laughed and moved to take the other seat, "what are they fighting about now?"

"We're not fighting," they replied in unison.

"Boys, like normal got it wrong, our little lovebirds just don't want to be parted." She turned to Kendra, "I think they get lonely without each other."

Max and Logan both frowned at her.

"Lovebirds has got to be right considering I heard you," he nodded at Original Cindy, "and Max singing along to Moulin Rouge," he turned to Bling, "ever hear wolves howl at the moon?" _No one would put up with that in their right mind. Love wasn't apparently just blind, but deaf as well. _

Logan and Kendra both let out a short burst of laughter.

Deadly stares graced them both from the subjects of the joke.

"So what are you guys making?" Alec asked linking his hands behind his head and stretching out.

"Nothing if you don't leave," Max crossed her arms and glared.

"Okay we're starting to feel ditched," Asha said walking towards them with Sketchy tagging along after her. "What's going on?" she asked going to stand next to Alec's seat.

"I don't know, but I'm gonna take my bottle of wine and go watch some of the 139 channels," Cindy said grabbing the glass and bottle. _Not like she'd wanted to cook anyway. _

"I'll-" Kendra began.

"Don't even think about it," Max ordered.

"Stick around and help Max finish cooking despite the fact that I already brought a pumpkin cheesecake, which was the requirement for attending this lovely event."

"She just say pumpkin cheesecake?" Sketchy turned and asked Original Cindy who was walking past him. He turned to Max, "Think we can-"

"Happen to hear the cake in that sentence. Cake means dessert that means after dinner," Max snapped.

"Should I mention the word pancake?" Alec asked.

"Five seconds to vacate or I'm giving everyone something to do," Max said scanning the room and grasping on to the back of Kendra's shirt.

Five seconds later, Logan was left in the room smiling, "What would you like me to do?"

Without even knowing how it happened she burst out laughing.

Kendra shook her head, "You guys have got to be the craziest couple ever."

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Dinner as always turned out to be a successful and fortunately for Logan nearly everyone was too schnockered to remember it was his birthday for long. Not that he was that far behind having realized there was no chance the majority of them would even be leaving the apartment until the next morning.

Max was starting to get giggly, which he watched Alec and Bling struggling to hold onto their composure as they realized. _She was cute giggly,_ he thought as he watched her laughing with OC and Kendra, her head occasionally dropping down to Original Cindy's shoulder, in moments of true amusement.

He liked her drunk, she tended to forget that she cared about what others thought. There weren't just tentative smiles and discrete touches, but kisses, hugs, punches on certain occasions and everything else that she did on a normal basis, it made having to share her with others less painful.

Right now she was shooting him a cheesy, funny smile as she realized she was being watched from across the living room.

"You've got it bad still," Bling commented on.

"And proud of it," he smiled and knocked his glass in Max's direction before taking a sip.

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"Liking your birthday?" Max asked flopping down next to him on the couch.

He turned to her, "I think I might be drunk, what the hell was in that punch."

"I don't know," she smiled, "but I am very proud of you for drinking punch." Alec and Sketchy had retreated into a corner of the kitchen for its preparation and she'd decided to enjoy the moment of them being self-entertained and not bothering her.

"Yea I don't know proud you're going to be, not allowed to speak tomorrow because I have a headache."

"Eh," she curled a bit into his side, "you tried that today and I didn't listen and today's your birthday," she ended with a knowing nod and smile.

"Good point," he sighed.

"You know you love me old man," she teased.

"Sadly I do," he closed his eyes, "having some difficulties remembering why though," he opened them to look thoughtfully into her eyes, as always truthfully the list being longer than paper he had access to, past the vocabularly he possesed.

"Don't care about the why," she pecked his lips, "as long as you do."

"I will, always," he promised.

"I know," she smiled.

"There are times I wish you didn't," he said leaning his head back on the couch.

"Like 4 o'clock in the morning?"

"More like 3 to 7am," his head slanted and he gave her a look.

She laughed, she dropped her head down to the couch to face his, "You know babies are up like every 2 hours right?"

"I know," his eyes closed and reopened again, "I figured if we had one, you'd leave me alone at night."

"Oh you're almost there Logan," she said looking at him with serious eyes.

He smirked.

The buzzer rang and they both looked at each other confused.

"Who are we missing?" he asked.

"Umm maybe Sebastian," she offered standing. "All I got was an email back saying he'd try to make it. What's been up with him?"

"I don't know," Logan offered, he hadn't been face to face with his friend in at least a month, not even online. "I think he was having some medical problems for awhile."

"Hope it's nothing serious," she said while Logan stood slowly, wondering if the drowsiness he was now experiencing was a sign of his age, the length of time between periods of true inebriation or the just punch itself.

"Someone named Sebastian," Kendra said walking into the living room, "Bling said it was okay to let him up."

"Thanks," Logan nodded.

"He cute?" she asked Max.

"Yea, but probably not up to your sexual Olympics. Not to mention he's smart."

"I have been involved with smart guys before," she defended herself.

Max just looked at her. Logan wondered why he was bothering to stay for this conversation.

"The lawyer," she pointed out.

"You wouldn't let him speak, you finally gagged him."

"The guy really kept rattling on," she closed her eyes halfway and shook her head slightly, not at all embarrassed, but still annoyed at him years later.

He stood and watched Max and Kendra half bickering/half discussing Kendra's taste in men. He'd almost forgotten about Sebastian when the doorbell rang.

He shook his head and heard Sketchy's cheerful, if not completely wasted greeting.

Then he heard another voice and frowned. _Wasn't like Sebastian to be traveling with a man._

As he rounded the corner he saw his friend and a cute little blonde and he wondered how anyone as feminine as that could have such a masculine voice, _maybe a bad birthday joke was planned for him. _ It took his booze addled brain a moment to realize there was something off with the picture and it wasn't that the woman was actually a man in drag.

Sebastian had no headrest, no controls near his temples, he looked down and noticed the wheelchair, while still electric it now had hand controls.

He stopped upon this realization as Max came up alongside him, her gaze suddenly being transfixed as well.

"Happy birthday Logan," the horse voice emerged from his friend, a voice he'd never heard before.

Logan just stood there in awe as the party continued on around him.

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**Okay see now I debated about the end for awhile ( Logan in my head for this story does regain further use of his lower half), but then I decided it was too cheesy. But this is the kind of thing that the actor, who plays Sebastian believes in, prays for so it kinda makes sense that he should get a bday miracle even if it is only in fiction. Not to mention miracles and posting in Xmas season always seems to make sense. **

**Once more thanks for reading! **


	2. Never Again Mellow

**Future Readers: **Not at all necessary to Ponderings. Feel free to skip. Just a glimpse into their normal life, that so belongs in my snippets section instead of here, but seeing as I'm already posting in that today, it's going here.

**Fic related details: **Hmm I'm gonna go with this is like 2.5 years after When Gray was Yellow and Ponderings. Logan is walking unaided once more, following Sebastian's successful treatment. ML's daughter around a year.

The fic begins with Zack in the apartment.

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**Never Again Mellow, but Always Yellow**

The apartment was quiet like it hadn't been in quite some time. Boxes scattered the hallways only half filled, bookshelves becoming bare. The only sign of inhabitance breakfast dishes in the sink and half a pot of cold coffee.

No phones rang, no pings signaling an email's arrival, no chatter, no baby's cries or gurgles…

The few stray cheerios underneath one of the islands made him wonder…

Wonder if something, someone had finally caught up to his little sister and her family. So many years ago she'd tried talking him into staying as he'd tried talking her into leaving.

She'd made her opinion on the matter clear with each visit. As long as Seattle was safe, she and hers were staying there. Despite so many knowing the truth about her and hearing the rumors about Logan, she refused to go. _As stubborn as she was beautiful, that had been clear about her from the start and hadn't changed with time._

A bubble of fear coursed up through him that he couldn't suppress.

Had they been tipped off to something going down and they'd tried to pack and made it out in time or had someone surprised them? Taken his sister and her family?

No no, there would be more evidence of a fight, his sister wouldn't have gone down quietly, especially not when it came to the kid.

His mind sought out the possibilities, considered someone could be watching the apartment and had seen him enter through the skylight, despite the numerous security updates Logan had installed since his first trip down.

Check in at Terminal City? See what they knew?

Try to track down Original Cindy or the guy with Ben's face that would never be anything more than a pale imitation of his brother?

Then the lock turned and he jumped and prepared himself for anything.

"And what do you think you're doing Miss LizzieBit?" his sister's light and teasing voice asked.

A jumble of childish words followed, none of which Zack could make out for certain, maybe something involving a bunny and a foot?

"I know there's a bunny on your foot, Miss Thang, but how about we keep it there instead of in your mouth?"

Logan's deep laughter finally joined in the chorus of noise that had overtaken the previously silent apartment.

"The better question is," Zack began with a few large strides towards the hallway before his sister freaked realizing there was someone in the apartment "is why she has a bunny on her foot?"

"Zack," Max smiled and shifted the toddler as she turned to greet him.

His smile, which Max used to smile and stare at for hours in Terminal City in shock and awe, fell. His eyes widened and forgotten was his sister's stunning face, his niece's cherubic one despite having too much Logan in it and certainly not Logan's which always took him awhile to notice. His eyes widened and focused downwards at the bunny foot resting on the mound of what had to be at least a five or sixth month baby bump.

He turned to Logan faster than he ever turned to Logan, "I thought we talked about this," a nod to the side and his sister's stomach.

Logan sighed and shook his head, "You of all people should know how your sister feels about siblings."

"You mean the sister that's right here?"

"She goes insane," Zack said continuing to look at Logan.

"Still right here," she reiterated.

He turned, "You're not Max, you're the evil alien that takes over her body and doesn't let go until the kid's three months."

"Actually," Logan said easily recalling the past few years, "it was more around 2 months, a month in wasn't too bad."

"You guys are so melodramatic," she shook her head, used to the ribbing she started to receive somewhere around Elizabeth's third month of life once they had deemed it safe once more.

"That's my cue to go put the ice cream away," Logan said lifting the canvas bags up, as if to show he had a valid excuse to run.

Max remembered a time she would have fought with Logan about something as trivial as carrying the bags up that was well before she discovered something worthwhile in carrying in the form of the soft, warm body of her daughter, whose hair smelled like the talcum powder her daddy had an issue with earlier that morning.

Zack shook his head as he stared at Max as Logan walked past him unheeded. He took a few steps forward, "Your husband's insane," he said with a shaking head and went to lift Lizzie out of her mother's arms.

The little girl was trusting, though Zack always swore it was just for him, positive when she was a newborn that she remembered him from his visit while she was in-utero.

"Nice to see you too Big Brother," she called out after him as he trailed after Logan. She could understand how she rated second to her daughter, but seriously third to food? Then she remembered that loaf of French bread they just bought and that big tub of fresh sweet cream butter and she took off after them.

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_Dammit, it died. All I got was another 2 damn paragraphs that were totally nothing like the one line I had started for them. Bah! Umm yea that being said sorry this got posted 2 years after your bday Mari, there should have been more. Dark and angst filled, but well apparently June 1st is gloomy enough without that. Sorry Mari. :-(_


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